Kibanda Language

So you have all have been to the mighty kibanda for a selection of mouth watering dishes, but most of you guyz barely understand the logistics of operations there, leave alone the street language. So here’s a compilation of some of the delicacies available on demand, in kibanda language.

1. Chapati dunga – this is where a chapati is rolled and pierced with a fork.

2. chapati dondosa – this is where a chapati is served whole and served while floating on thick soup.

3. chapati msalaba – this is where a chapati is sliced into four equal quarters. The cuttings resemble a cross

4. chapati kifagio- this is where a chapati is sliced into thin many vertical strips

5. chapati chafua- this is where a chapati is sliced into many pieces as possible. Usually they are sliced into squares that are approximately 3.5 centimeteres squared (do the math)

6. chapati mbao/ chapati mawe – this is a dry chapati, those that break easily like a piece of wood

7. ugali saucer/ wembe/discount- that one i know you know

8. ugali mlima- this is an enourmous chunk of ugali served only to proffessionals and is usually served with a warning. “ukikosa kuimaliza, utaongeza kumi”.

9. Tumbukiza – this is where meat is overboiled until the meat is very soft. Usually served without salt. Tumbukiza special has no bones

10. kahawa kifo- so you have done kahawa chungu! This is worse. It usually contains lots of “kahawa no 1” and is overboiled till its black. its then served without sugar. Its literrally burnt coffee

11. kaa ndani- this is where a mandazi is made an incision at the side and a delicacy inserted inside of it. So kaa ndani ya sausage is a mandazi with a sausage in it.

12. jembe ya meno- toothpick

13. samaki cassette- this is fish which has bones in it. Its served whole whereby a person starts eating it on one side( side A ).
Once done, its then turned to the other side (side B). A successful completed eating mission is certified once the only thing left on the plate are intact bones of the fish and the head.

14. karare- chapati nusu

15. combat- githeri

16. mix/ missile / kadhalika- this is mchanganyiko of everything on the soup menu. Involves madondo, sukuma, nyama, ndengu etc. Na inasemwa na style, so dont go ati nipatie missile 20!
It goes like “haya, hebu nibonde na chapo mix ya kaufourty, na ikuje chapchap kabla niachwe na ndege”

17. teargas- pilipili

Courtesy of:  http://www.vichekesho.blogspot.com/

 

Three Bodies

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on
their faces. After autopsies, the pathologist calls the police to tell
them what has happened.

“First body: a Mkamba, 60, died of heart failure while making love to
his mistress. Hence the enormous smile,

“Second body: “a Luo, 25, won a hundred thousand shillings in the
sweepstakes, spent it all on whisky & cham. Died of alcohol poisoning,
hence the smile.”

The Inspector asked, “What of the third body?”

“Ah,” says the pathologist, “this is the most unusual one.
Harvester Khayega, Luhyia from Funyula, 30, struck by
lightning.”

“Why is he smiling then?” inquires the Inspector.
“Thought he was having his picture taken.”

(For more visit http://www.vichekesho.blogspot.com/)