Jalou Berrrrrr

Being a Luo isnt easy, its an an art they must live up to!. No matter where they are…they must be themselves! Please take note of the titles below and use them as etiquette demands.

How Luos call them….

Gardener – Landscape Executive and Animal Nutritionist
House Maid – Domestic Operations Specialist
Typist – Printed Document Handler
Messenger – Business Communications Conveyor
Window Cleaner – Transparent Wall Technician
Temporary Teacher – Associate Tutor
Tea Boy – Refreshments Overseer
Garbage Collector – Public Sanitation Technician
Watchman – Theft Prevention and Surveillance Officer
Thief – Wealth Distribution Officer
Driver – Automobile Propulsion Specialist
Receptionist – Office Access Control Specialist
Cook – Food Preparation Officer
Bartender – Certified Liquor Specialist
Housewife – Permanent Secretary– Home Affairs.

 

Is Kenya’s Hell Better?

A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He decides he’ll pick the least painful to spend his eternity. He goes to Germany Hell and asks, “What do they do here?” He is told “first they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day”. The man does not like the sound of that at all so he moves on. He checks out the USA Hell as well as the Russia Hell and many more. He discovers that they are all similar to the German hell. Then he comes to the Kenyan Hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks,”What do they do here?” He is told”first they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. The Kenyan devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day. “But that is exactly the same as all the other hells why are there so many people waiting to get in?”asks the man. “Because there is never any electricity, so the electric chair does not work. The nails were paid for but never supplied, so the bed is comfortable to sleep on. And, on top of it, the Kenyan devils used to be civil servants, so they come in, sign time sheet and go back to their private businesses.”

 

Love Letter in Maths

My Dear SweetHeart,

Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house in trigonometric lane.There I saw you with our cute circular face,conical nose and spherical eyes, standing in your triangular garden. Before seeing you my heart was a null set, but when a vector of magnitude (likeness) from your eyes at a deviation of theta radians made a tangent to my heart, it differentiated. My love for you is a quadratic equation with real roots, which only you can solve by making good binary relation with me.
The cosine of my love for you extends to infinity.I promise that I should not resolve you into partial functions but if I do so, you can integrate me by applying the limits from zero to infinity. You are as essential to me as an element to a set.
The geometry of my life revolves around your acute personality. My love, if you do not meet me at parabola restaurant on date 10 at sunset, when the sun is making an angle of 160 degrees, my heart would be like a solved polynomial of degree 10. With love from your higher order derivatives of maxima and minima, of an unknown function.

Truly Yours

Gairey

 

Two Little Boys

Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous.

They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved.

The boys’ mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.

The mother sent the 8 year old in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon. The preacher, a huge man with a deep booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, “Do you know where God is, son?”

The boy’s mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.
So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, “Where is God?! Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy’s face and bellowed, “WHERE is GOD?!”

The boy screamed & bolted from the room, ran directly home & dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, “What happened?”

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, “We are in BIG trouble this time!” “GOD is missing, and they think WE did it!”

 

Just for Laughs

One morning, after several hours of fishing at his favorite vacation spot, a husband returns to the cabin and decides to take a nap.

Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and begins to read a book.

Along comes the Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, “Good morning, Ma’am. What are you doing?”

“Reading a book,” she replies, (thinking, “Isn’t that obvious?”)

“You’re in a restricted fishing area,” he informs her.

“I’m sorry, officer, but I’m not fishing. I’m reading.”

“Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I’ll have to take you in and write you up.”

“If you do that, I’ll have to charge you with sexual assault,” says the woman.

“But I haven’t even touched you,” says the game warden.

“That’s true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.”

“Have a nice day ma’am,” and he left.

 

Lady Leave Me Alone! I’m Married!

A husband wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a  couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all cleaned and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless and clean. The rest of the house is in equally good shape. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table.

“Honey, breakfast is on the table. I left early to go grocery shopping. Love You!”

He is totally shocked by the loving note. He goes to the kitchen and there is a hot breakfast and morning newspaper ready for him. His son is eating at the table.

He asks, “Son, what happened last night?”
His son says, “Well, you came home around 3 a.m. drunk and delirious. You broke some crockery, puked in the hall and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door”.

Confused, the man asks, “So why is everything in order and so clean? Why is there breakfast on the table waiting for me? I should expect to have a big quarrel with your mom!”
His son replies, “Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom and when she tried to take your clothes and shoes off,…you said, ‘Lady Leave Me Alone! I’m Married!’”

 

Help comes from unexpected people….not bankers or politicians or the rich

It was about eight o’clock when her son who was asthmatic developed some complications. He had to be rushed to the nearest hospital about 1km away or else it would be fatal. She called a neighbor who had a car but the neighbor said the car had no fuel;she called the pastor, who said he had visiting pastors from USA and could not leave them alone. She decided to carry the son to the hospital; she could not imagine loosing her only child with the same sickness that a few months earlier had killed the husband. She had a problem with her leg and could not move fast enough and the son was also heavy for her to move faster. Along the way she met people rushing home from work who just stared at her. She tried to beg them for help but they assumed her. She also tried to stop passing vehicles but they never responded. She fell many times but she had to keep moving. Then a man who was mad and used to roam the streets naked noticed her. He came running towards her and took the son from her. She could not talk but just pointed the direction of the hospital. The crazy naked man could understand perfectly well what she meant since he saw the desperate boy struggling for breath. He put him on the shoulder and told the woman “all will be well” as he run towards the hospital.
The doctors on seeing the crazy man knew something was really wrong and attended to the boy immediately. Ten minutes later the mother arrived and the doctor broke the news “if he was brought five minutes later than that he would have died”. The mad man is long dead and the woman too died some years back but the boy, now a man today owns one of the biggest private hospitals. The hospital offers free asthma treatments. God doesn’t have to use Bishops, Pastors, politicians and rich people with cars, to rescue or bless you. No matter what may come your way, no matter what you are going through, your life is in his hands. All he ask of you is to have faith in him

Mediate on God’s word as you go about your day!!! HIT LIKE IF THIS STORY HAS BLESSED YOU